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To Boldly Go

exploring options / splitting infinitives

Man oh man.

Thus far, my summer really blows.

Intense heat. High gas prices. Vicious allergies. Thanos. Inaccurate lottery numbers. Free-range, lane-hoggin’ skateboarders.

And the bugs!

Yesterday, this Tic Tac-sized insect with googly eyes and human teeth took his summer frustration out on my face. Judging from the quantity and discomfort of these welts, I must’ve wronged the little guy somehow.

We’ll never know.

I had to kill him.



On the rare occasion I find time to relax and mellow my welty melon, I find it necessary to remove all stressors from my environment.

That includes a certain <air quotes> publishing website that’s gone absolutely Dog Day with doom and gloom feature stories.

So I’ve scaled back a bit from the constipating noise to get my systolic level in check, and I’ve reinvested my time into nice, tranquil trips to the library.

But now that I’ve caught up on Entertainment Weekly, I’m looking to reinvest my reinvestment.

I need a creative outlet.

A couple friends made a suggestion.

Have you heard of Patreon?

“Hell yeah! They toured with Judas Priest.”

You’re thinking of Pantera.

“The place with the bagels?”

A lengthy back n’ forth resulted in me doing what I normally do: I joogled it.

Ha! Turned out I had heard of Patreon thank you very much.

I’d watched this guy do a cooking show on YouTube:

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At the end of each video, he’d flash the subscribe thingy along with another thingy for his Patreon page.

I was curious, so I hiked over to their website to learn more about it.

I was greeted by a neato splash page featuring short clips of artists making…well…art.

I navigated to a video by the CEO explaining how Patreon works.

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Hold up.

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  1. Do I have to look like the CEO to have a Patreon account?
  2. Do these two guys know they were abandoned at birth and recovered from a quinoa bin at Whole Foods?
  3. What wonderful magic will occur when they rejoin and touch foreheads?
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Anyway, after watching the video and reading some easy-to-understand how-to pages, I determined Patreon was a big bohemian cyber-bazaar where artists get to showcase their stuff.

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The variety of work is amazing: bloggers, vloggers, cloggers, chefs, painters, comedians, musicians, jugglers — truly an impressive collection of talent.

People (patrons) support the artists they like and, in turn, gain access to exclusive content or other customized creations.

What I like is how the site walks through the process of creating a page. I was able to understand it after following the instructions only once.

OK — three times, but that’s totally my fault since I was doing it at work and the friggin’ phone kept ringing.

I created a page not so much to get it up n’ running (#commitment), but rather to prove I could get it done.

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But as nifty as my tour of Patreon was, it was missing something.

With all those creators sharing their work, I couldn’t find a feature allowing them to connect, collaborate and comment on each other’s work.

Wouldn’t it be cool if the CEO added a cyber-hostel where all these creative cool cats could kick back, chat and share images of their tattoos while enjoying their pho and soy drink from the comfort of their laptops?

Ya know — socialize.


I’ll admit: It’s the one thing I miss when I’m away from a certain <air quotes> publishing website.

As much as I curse it, it’s still the best way to hook-up with wonderful, super-talented writers who generously share their art and inspiration.

I dig that, even if those I hang with are grossly neglected.

Oh well.

The misfits will have their day.

If not <air quotes> here, maybe somewhere else.

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"Hi. My name is Roy." - Now that just sounds stupid. (

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