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Humor Challenged

a doomed attempt at remaining faithful

Dear Slackjaw,

First off, you are forgiven.

Ghosting my submissions these past several months has caused me much despair and distress. (If I calculated the time zone difference correctly, you no doubt sensed my psychic wailing during pre-dawn cleansing.)

But I’m man-ish enough to shoulder part of the blame after
a) recognizing you review/curate a WEALTH of talented writers’ works
b) scrutinizing my submissions; finding room for improvement
c) realizing I’d been emailing lockjaw.com

Bygones be bygones.

#onemedium #onelove #dont4get2vax

I’m now willing to build anew our relationship and scaffold the love.

I giddily accept your writing challenge proposal!

Just give me a moment while I give your challenge prenup a looky-loo.

<reading>

<reading>

<vaping>

<reading>

Woof! Themz a lot of rules!

Listen — can I share where I’m at in my life? I got this great idea for a story:

A Baby Boomer, Gen-Xer and Millenial in an Escape Room

This is gonna be HI-larious! It ends hyper-violently but in a funny way.

I’m kinda all in on this idea; got my huevos in uno basket as it were. But I really want to make this thing between us work, so let me ask you something about your contest rules:

Are they what you’d call hard and fast or do they smack more of loosey goosey ?

Gotcha.

Welp, I’m nothing if not a team player. I’m willing to give it the ol’ DeVry try.

pick your favorite 5–10 headlines

Pulling alternate story ideas outta my butt seemed wrong. I mean, I already birthed a sweet little perfect story baby, but now I had to force conceive at least 4 more? I didn’t have the bandwidth nor patience to love or nurture any bastard baby stories.

*sigh*

As hard as it was to do, I limpily went along:

2. Hey, What’s the Deal with Rice?

3. Hey, What’s the Deal with Costco?

4. What’s the Deal with Soap?

5. funny story TBD

Ugh! I hate ‘em.

I wish they were never born!

Join Flapjaw: Slackjaw’s Facebook Group for Writers and pitch your 5–10 headlines here.

Hypothetically, what if one dispatched a missive to the private email account of one Facebook CEO?

And what if said missive came from a very angry place due to Facebook’s profiting off sales of user personal data without user consent?

And what if one was banned from FB due to arguably threatening language included within said missive (e.g. “go zuck yourself”, “go shove a Zagnut up your Z-hole”, “DIE”)?

Hypothetically.

Send your 5–10 headlines to a friend, or a few friends, and ask them which title they like best, i.e. which title they would click.

Unhypothetically, I have no friends, so I used my daylong stay at the DMV to conduct an impromptu focus group.

I jotted down my headlines on the back of an organ donation poster and wrangled me up some willing recruits with plenty of time to kill.

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Here’s some feedback:

Rice can be a very funny topic. I vote for that.

Yes, rice!

Rice at Costco comes in very big bags. Maybe you should combine those two ideas.

Will we be getting samples of rice for this?

Unfortunately I’d been cursed with a focus group that had no grasp of humor whatsoever.

I can’t believe they let these morons drive.

Take all of the peer feedback you received on your draft, and use it to polish your piece

I totally plan to rifle this story off as I always do: at work when no one is watching.

Edits? I typically return to the post 5–17 times after it’s been published and will polish based on private notes left by grammar nazis. (You’d never know it, but I just deleted 16 paragraphs from this post reducing it from a 10 to 4-minute read.)

Sorry — that’s how I do.

On this there can be no negotiation.

Challenge closes September 21 at 11:59 pm Central. Be sure to send your Challenge entry before then!

EEEEE! AN ULTIMATUM!

I’m getting shingles from the stress!

Look, I feel like I’ve been doing all the heavy lifting in this relationship. Maybe it’s just me but it’s definitely you.

Let’s take some time apart and agree to remain friends, OK? It’ll be best for the baby.

I’ll find another publication where it can flourish and be appreciated by experts who really know humor.

Love,
Your Friend

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"Hi. My name is Roy." - Now that just sounds stupid. (thehappysidestep@gmail.com)

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