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Episode 6: Diesel’s Sad Summer

Pepper and Diesel are doggie neighbors who like to visit and play together.

Unfortunately, this summer has brought some nasty allergies causing Diesel to nip at his paw. His owner took him to the vet where he was sentenced to 2-weeks in the cone of shame.

Diesel is feeling pretty bad and can really use a friend.

Pepper will not be that friend.

and how to receive it without losing your sh*t

Straight up: Medium writers do NOT make grammatical errors.

They release typos.

Yep. The average writer pumps out roughly 84 posts a day in order to recoup membership fees. That’s a helluvalotta doggie stories. (Gimme material now Roscoe or you’re dead! *clap* Now!!)

At that pace and without committing time on the toilet to proofread, a writer is bound to miskey and fock up.

Wouldn’t it be nice if that simple faux pas had the forgiveness of a brush painting’s “happy accident” which, with a few ASMR scrapes of the knife, can be transformed into a lush spruce or a…

don’t let them deny your flourish

So you’ve done the math.

According to estimates, you can live comfortably without having to endure that 9-to-5 slow soul asphyxiation you call a job.

Maybe you’re rolling in a mountain of fresh stimulus bills. Perhaps suing IKEA over that psycho-designed shopping cart struck gold. Could it be your side-gig selling unused prescriptions at the community college paid off?

Whatever the case, you now possess the golden ticket, baby! You’ve been graced to take that awe-inspiring leap that makes legends outta lemmings.

(For those of you in love with your employers who’d continue working even if you hit the Mega…

do you hear the words coming out of my 👏s

Dear Medium Writers of the World -

Henceforth and forevermore, I will be sharing what I think about your posts through my own specialized clap code system©.

Is 50 really the best you can get from this strapping tap clapper?

Or is it a 9?

Why won’t you ever want 3?

Don’t ask me. I forgot most of these already so print a copy and tuck it in your lederhosen.

1 clap: you’re obviously a troll but I have no friends IRL so I hope we can continue in this destructive codependent relationship

2: you’re a troll with an…

let’s talk about airbags

Valued Toyota Owner:

We trust you’re relishing your decision to buy a brand new 2021 RAV4 and are working hard on a plan to pay for it.

Be advised some electronic features included at time of purchase were provided as a temporary courtesy to get you completely hooked. If you choose to maintain these amenities — and why wouldn’t you — you’ll be required to cough up extra cash to cover applicable subscription fees.

Here is a comprehensive list of apps that, if allowed to expire, will not only diminish enjoyment of your vehicular experience; it will secure your spot…

of all days to forget my cyanide capsule

After spending an entire Monday morning on his computer diligently collating stacks and stacks of Tetris blocks, our sales director was inexplicably and ill-advisably driven to venture from his corner office for an impromptu tour of the McCubicle Playplace.

He was seeking camaraderie.

He was seeking bold ideas.

He was packing mother-in-law jokes.

I was third stop en route from his lair. Devising a prevention strategy would be brief and sloppy:

My Shawshank project was only 40% complete.

Skedaddling to the can would be seen as an obvious ditch attempt, plus I couldn’t risk a possible tag-along resulting in awkward…

an IGN game review………seriously

reluctantly reviewed by Travis the Intern who has better things to do

As soon as I purchased Deathrun on Debt Mountain, the first videogame sponsored by the AARP®, I knew I was in for something…else.

I can’t ever recall a game sold exclusively at Cracker Barrel.

Installation on my PC was a bit tricky. It took a good 15 minutes poring through the large-print instruction manual to learn that startup is performed with The Clapper© (not included).

The title screen’s music is a deranged mashup of ballads from Oh Brother, Where Art Thou? mixed with tunes from ’80s band Loverboy

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