Once upon a time there lived a beautiful maiden — ME!
And the time once uponed was NOW y’all!
My name is Pepperella, rightful heir to the throne of Labradonia, a gloriously magical kingdom 15 miles south of Tulsa.
My mom, her royal majesty, the remarkably sublime Queen Barbarella-Mozzerella-Gulden o’ Muster the Third CPA M.Ed., along with help from my dad, Curt, birft me two years ago.
I sent my 80-year young father an Amazon Echo for Christmas.
HA! Just kidding.
He sent one to me.
“Don’t wait! Open it as soon as you get it! You’ll love it!” exclaimed the raving brainwashed cultist formerly known as the man who rode Betamax to 2002.
“Will do, Dad!” I gleefully responded, thumbs way up.
The box arrived yesterday. I eagerly carried it into the house, secretively retreated to the garage and drop-kicked that little bitch to a dank, dark corner for a pleasant round of robot torture.
“Welcome to hell, cyberpunk. …
Pepper and Diesel are neighbors who like to dig deep holes in hopes of unearthing unmarked burial grounds courtesy of some unscrupulous property developer.
It’s a stormy weekend and Diesel will be spending the night while his owner leaves for a weekend fishing trip.
Young Pepper is so excited to be hosting her first slumber party that she’s not disturbed in the slightest knowing her only guest is a 10-year old male requiring prescription kibble to keep his own flatulence from waking him up at night.
Double $&@* and %@# wrapped around a #@*ing maypole!
I’m so angry I can spit!
Ever seen a skeleton spit? It’s like a dry no-contact headbutt.
Disturbing and sad.
But what I crave more than a salivary gland donor is for more peePO to hop on the Common Sense Trolley to come join us here in Greater Good Mannersville.
Whatever do you mean o’ fool with no drool, you mockingly ask with your fancy Trader Joe tobacky and classy Crate and Barrel spittoon.
Well lemme tell ya…
I work with a gaggle of youngish folk who will DIE if they…